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CREATING
YOUR PROFILE
- Read our
Profile Guidelines. Do this before you post a Profile so you
can be sure that your Profile will get posted on the site. All
personal Profiles are subject to rejection or removal if they
do not meet our guidelines.
- Writing
a catchy headline, can grab readers’ attention. Make it
memorable but don't boast.
- Post a
photo. The easiest way to get noticed is to post a photo in
your Profile. Try to find a picture that shows how you normally
look. Follow the Guidelines for choosing a photo.
- Describe
yourself and the person you're seeking. What do you like about
yourself? What have other people said they like about you? People
are more likely to respond to you if they are attracted by something
you've told them about you. Focus on the positives.
- Offer specific
examples of what you like, rather than generalizations. For
example instead of saying "I like music, movies and restaurants,"
offer specific examples. It's more revealing to say you like
"Oasis, Robert de Niro films, and spicy Thai food."
- Be creative.
Have fun with your profile! That way people will know they can
have fun with you. Make your profile stand out by describing
your most intriguing feature or your most memorable experience.
- Keep it
brief. No one wants to read a novel. Write enough to catch someone's
attention. You can share the more personal details later.
- Don't lie!
Honesty can prevent disappointment for both you and your potential
date. Just remember, you could end up meeting someone who reads
your Profile, so don't say you're 6'1" if you're really
5'4" or a size 12 if you’re a size 20.
Double-check
your spelling and grammar. People are more likely to take your
Profile seriously if you've put some thought into it. Use proper
punctuation and capitalisation. PROFILES WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS LOOK
LIKE SHOUTING. Profiles written in all lowercase with no punctuation
even commas are hard for readers to understand.
PROFILE GUIDELINES
Single-Minded provides a way to find and interact with other people
who may share your interests and common goals. Just like a real
community, different people may have different opinions and personalities.
To make the most of your Single-Minded experience, please read
these Guidelines carefully and act accordingly. In addition, you
may want to read the tips on writing your profile, uploading a
photo, and online dating tips.
In the interest of making Single-Minded a fun way to meet and
communication with other people online, we ask that everyone follow
a few key rules, including:
- You must
be 18 years old or older to use Single-Minded. Do not post Profiles
that seek out or advertise users who are younger than 18.
- Do not
post a Profile on behalf of another person. You may only post
a Profile for yourself.
- Do not
post your (or anyone else's) full name, email address, street
address or phone number. Do not request this same information
from other people in your Profile.
- Do not
post URLs, websites, or instant messenger IDs/numbers. Do not
alter the appearance of your Profile by using HTML tags.
- Do not
post adult-oriented content (e.g., nudity, overtly sexual language
or images, etc.).
- Do not
post obscene, offensive, illegal or otherwise objectionable
material.
- Do not
harass, threaten or use abusive or vulgar language.
- Do not
post detailed descriptions of physical characteristics (e.g.,
measurements, sizes, etc.) or the types of sexual activities
that interest you. Such information is better conveyed in communications
with individuals who reply to you.
- Do not
post a Profile that includes discussions of illegal activities.
- Do not
write your Profile title and description in a foreign language,
characters or symbols. Single-Minded is only able to support
English language Profiles at this time.
- Do not
post more than one personal Profile at a time.
- Do not
post a Profile or gather Profile information using automated
tools
- Do not
use this service for commercial purposes (i.e. spam, information
gathering, etc.).
- Do not
post copyrighted content without permission from the owner.
- Do not
post a photo if:
- you
are not in it
- your
face is not clear
- it
contains an image of you as a child
- it
contains more than two recognizable people
- it
is something other than a non-animated GIF or JPG, Png,
Bmp, or Tif file
- it
includes contact info
- it
is not rightside-up
- it
is a "collage" of images
- it
is a duplicate of another photo
- it
is larger than 200KB in size
Please keep
in mind that Single-Minded reserves the right to review, reject
and remove any content that Single-Minded determines, in its sole
discretion, to be in violation of these Guidelines, the Single-Minded
Terms & conditions. Also, because Single-Minded service is
designed to help facilitate relationships between individuals
in the offline world as well as cyberspace, Single-Minded reserves
the right to terminate your account or use of this service if
we become aware of information indicating a safety concern for
you, other Single-Minded users, or the general public. Please
report any violations of the Guidelines or
Terms & conditions to our Customer Service address help@single-minded.net
UPLOADING YOUR PHOTO
Not everyone will want to post a photo of themselves, but most
people notice that they get more responses if they do. The easiest
way to get noticed is to post a photo in your Profile. Try to
find a picture that shows how you normally look. Follow the Guidelines
for choosing a photo.
How do I add a photo to my profile?
To add a photo you just log in and you are taken to your personal
home page. At the bottom of your home page you see an option to
browse. Click the browse button to locate the photo you wish to
upload from your computer. Once selected your photo is automatically
uploaded. You should see a message that your profile has been
updated at the top of the page. If there has been an error please
make sure your photo meets the criteria Single-Minded has set.
If your photo meets the Single-Minded criteria and you are still
having problems please contact us.
What formats can be uploaded?
Accepted formats: jpeg, gif, png, bmp, tif
How many photos can I upload?
You may upload only one photo at a time to your profile but you
can change it as often as you wish.
How do I change my photo?
To change your photo just follow the instructions above for uploading.
The new photo you choose will automatically replace the old one.
Can I delete or replace a photo
in my profile?
Yes you can delete or replace your photo. Once you have logged
into your account, go to the bottom of your homepage and tick
the box that says Delete the current Photo.
How big can my photo be?
The photo can be no larger than 200 Kb
Are there any restrictions on what
my photo contains?
Yes!
Acceptable Photos
- Your face
must appear in photo.
- Your face
may be partially obscured (i.e., by a hat, in shadow, etc.).
Unacceptable
Photos
- Photos
in which your face does not appear or is totally obscured
- Nudity,
sheer or otherwise “see-through” material below
the waist
- Pictures
of celebrities, cartoon characters or other copyrighted images
- Drawings,
caricatures or other illustrations
Your photo may be rejected if…
- It’s
too blurry or undistinguishable
- It does
not show at least some of your face
- It features
celebrities, cartoon characters or other copyrighted images
- Our profile
approval team feels it’s too suggestive or explicit
- It does
not show at least some of your face
Common
Sense Online Dating
- Remember
that you are responsible and in control of your experience online
at all times. Until you feel ready you can remain completely
anonymous.
- You have
an advantage meeting someone online because you can get to know
each other before you meet. Be aware that you are in control
when it comes to taking an online relationship offline. Always
go at your own pace, you don't need to take anything further
than the computer or phone until you feel completely comfortable.
- When you
do decide to meet face to face, pick a public place and provide
your own transportation to and fro. Tell a friend where you're
going and check in when you return home. For your first date,
it may be a good idea to arrange to meet for a short while only,
rather than arranging to go for a meal or something that would
involve having to be together for longer than a short while
- You need to be sure that you want to spend more time with
your date.
- Never include
your personal contact information in your profile, especially
telephone numbers, email, home address or your last name. Take
your time getting to know someone and only give personal contact
details out when your instincts tell you this is someone you
can trust.
- Set up
an email account just for online dating.
- Ask a
lot of questions and watch for inconsistencies.
- Stay away
from members who won't take no for an answer or pressure you
for any kind of personal information. Serious online daters
will respect your space and allow you to take your time.
- Even with
our strong effort to ensure the quality of our site, we cannot
guarantee perfection in the system. We ask members to email
us if they see anything strange so that we can research it,
or leave a message on our customer care hotline, 0845 200 2635.
- If someone
asks you to go to their personal web site or asks you for money,
use your common sense not to oblige and then report the situation
to us.
- If someone
gives you a phone number that seems very unfamiliar or with
a strange code, check it out to make sure it's not a charge
number before you make the call.
- Remember
you are responsible for your own experience, so using your own
good judgment is your best bet. Trust your own instincts and
then have fun with the right people!
MAKING CONVERSATION
Now you are a Single-Minded member you have the opportunity to
have fun and meet new people. Making the most of this opportunity
will mean you take the risk of opening up and talk about yourself
honestly and candidly and also be interested in other members.
Mostly relax and have fun because you never have to meet with
this person if you don’t want to!
We have listed below some ideas for your profile or to start a
conversation with someone.
- Morning
person or night owl?
- Three suitcases
or one carry-on?
- Make your
bed or leave it messy?
- The movie
or the book?
- Glass half-empty
or half-full?
- What are
your three main goals in life?.
- Describe
the best holiday you've taken and why.
- Admit
your favourite guilty pleasure
- Name five
things you can't live without.
- What three
things do you always keep in your handbag or wallet?
- Which famous
person in history would you invite to your one to one dinner
party
- If you
were a comic book character, what superpower would you possess?
Why?
- If you
could go back in time and relive one day in your life, which
day would you choose and why?
- What is
the strangest job you've ever had?
- Is your
position more of a job or a career?
- If you
could change careers and do anything you wanted, regardless
of pay, what would you do?
- What was
your favourite course/subject in school? Why?
- What are
your secret talents?
- Tell me
about the person who has most influenced your life.
- What do
people notice about you within the first hour of meeting you
(other than appearance)?
- What are
your most annoying habits
- What would
you change about your personality?
Flirting
tips for Women
Give clear signals
Men can be notoriously bad at interpreting signals from women.
Know what you want when you flirt and make sure your signals are
clear and that they convey what you mean. It’s not fair
to flirt with someone for the fun of it – unless they are
obviously flirty themselves. Flirting for fun is fine when you
know someone a little better. If you genuinely want to meet people
then by all means flirt, just make sure you know how to separate
the sexual flirting signals from the 'hi, I'm friendly' flirting
signals.
If you are not interested, be polite
when rejecting a man ‘Get lost nerd’
is NOT the way to say NO. Men who approach women may do so clumsily
sometimes. If you are not interested, make it clear and be polite.
It can be very difficult to get up the courage to approach a woman.
Refuse someone in the way you would appreciate being turned down
yourself. If you are sure someone is NOT for you, you can say
‘I am sure you will find someone who is right for you, but
I am sorry I don’t think it’s me’. Remember
that even if this person is not for you, they may have friend
potential and who knows what benefits that can bring!!
Be interesting by being interested
Cut down the talk about yourself and ask him open-ended questions.
Find out about him – after all people generally enjoy talking
about themselves and feel flattered when someone shows an interest
in them.
Ask him what he enjoys doing
Women and men often tend to fall back on the line ‘What
do you do’? To some men, this can smack of ‘checking
for wallet-padding’. Alternatively not everyone is doing
the work they love, YET, and the question may put them on the
spot. Men are much more activity orientated whereas women like
to talk about emotions. Asking them what they enjoy doing in their
life will allow you to find out more about what makes them tick.
Make the first move!
95% of men I talked to said they would love to be approached by
a woman. If women are looking for equality then it is only fair
that they do their share of the asking. It will also give you
an opportunity to understand what men have to go through when
making a first approach.
Flirting
tips for Men,
Know what you want and what is reasonable
to expect Some men flirt with women primarily
to get sex. However, if you put aside that outcome and flirt just
to be friendly you are opening yourself to different opportunities.
You may well end up with a new lover but if that doesn’t
work out you could meet someone who becomes a good friend and
who knows who she might introduce you to. Keep your options open.
When you buy a woman a drink, that
is all you are buying Don’t expect her to
fall at your feet. Sometimes it is nice just to send someone a
drink, watch when they receive it and smile, then look away –
look back again later to show your interest. Don’t try to
get a woman drunk – isn’t it preferable to have someone
like you genuinely not because her senses are obliterated by alcohol?
Concentrate on the conversation,
not on getting a date. Most women want to know what kind of person
they are going out with. Make an effort to get to know her before
diving in for a date
Give GENUINE compliments
There’s nothing worse than someone giving out a load of
overblown lines. Everyone has something great about them, notice
that and compliment them genuinely
And for ALL of us Be yourself.
It’s no point in assuming a role you think someone wants
you to play because you’ll get found out sooner or later.
Be proud of who you are and if you aren’t YET sure how you
are at your best, you might want to do some work on it. There
are plenty of courses and self-help books out there.
Being single makes better marriages
For many people in unhappy or tired marriages, being single is
a very appealing lifestyle. To them, singles are carefree; wearing
great clothes, having a fantastic time. They have interesting
careers, exciting holidays, modern apartments, no toys strewn
around, and they employ people to do their cleaning and ironing.
After dining out in trendy restaurants, they come home have wild
sex – of course!
Is this really how it is? Psychotherapist Gill Coleby set up Single-Minded,
an exclusively single events company for the over 30s. “Sometimes
that is how it is, but mostly, people who are single underrate
it. It is, sadly in my view, true that many singles waste a valuable
opportunity for independence and self-awareness. Despite all the
freedom, choices and strengths available to singles today, many
haven’t got a clue how to make the most of their single
phase in life.”
Single-Minded ‘s philosophy is to embrace single life and
enjoy it. Being single isn’t just a time to find someone
else; it’s about getting your own life together, being free,
having fun and meeting people without having to commit to anybody.
Until recently being single was just a bridge between being in
your childhood bed and the marriage bed, and should be crossed
as quickly as possible. Given that, it is no wonder that despite
being free to live in new and exploratory and self-defining ways,
men and women still play out traditional scripts, desperately
seek any partners, or grapple in confusion with murky new gender
roles and relationship dynamics.
This couldn’t have been more evident than it was at a recent
Single-Minded event (held at Addington Palace in South London).
Single-Minded, specialising in the slightly older age group, found
that despite the fierce independence of the career-minded woman
post 30s, she is still on the look out for the love of her life.
Whilst the mere mention of firemen being at the launch event,
(presumably conjuring up images of beefcakes in uniform) meant
a rush to the speed dating tables, it was notable that many of
the women had high expectations of meeting someone to take away
the stigma of being “single”.
The men, on the other hand, wary at first, seemed delighted just
to have so many women to talk to all evening, without having to
worry about making the first move
“At first it’s difficult to get men out to events
like this,” says Coleby. “Their natural reserve and
fear of rejection stops them. One of the benefits of running the
event was that I got the opportunity to speak to a lot of the
men (we also did a little survey after ward) and the one thing
all the men had in common was a feeling they had discovered a
whole new social environment – one where they could meet
and talk to women without pressure. It was a real confidence booster
for some of them – regardless of their profession or background.
And there were men from different walks of life - as well as the
firemen there were company directors, screenwriters, scientists
and entrepreneurs too - but I’m not sure how many other
women at the event found that out.”
Gill says the Princess Syndrome is still around, “Though
this applies to men and women (the prince or princess syndrome)
I noticed particularly how many women focus their single time
on staking out a mate; worse, not just any mate, but one who meets
a truly exhaustive list of specifications. Unsurprisingly, they
are disappointed or even angry when this creature of perfection
doesn’t appear. How wicked life is, how unlucky they are,
that Mr Perfect hasn’t shown up!
Divorce rates are ever increasing, so why, after the heartache
of a divorce or relationship break up, do so many people want
to find another partner so quickly? “It’s more about
avoiding feeling lonely and isolated than really wanting to love
another. There are ever increasing numbers of 30, 40, and 60 something
singles, and it can be particularly difficult for those who married
early and innocent, thinking they’d managed to avoid confronting
their loneliness and dependence. Mid-life singledom can be fraught
with fears of aging or entering the job market for the first time
in decades, bringing up children alone, or by financial problems”
“We need to redefine singleness, update the rules and educate
people about the purpose and benefits of this vital phase.,”
Gill says. “If we recognise singleness as a vital stage
of the journey to maturity, we can see it as a time to learn about
who we are, to learn responsibility and self-sufficiency, to identity
our true desires, and to confront our inner strengths and demons.
Even forced, unwanted and unexpected singledom can be a blessing
in disguise, a time for healing and re-establishing one’s
priorities and sense of oneself. Not being in a committed relationship
can mean getting to know yourself better, developing your self-confidence,
developing resources to cope with the difficulties of life, doing
things you wouldn’t usually do. You are free to be yourself,
express yourself and have fun in whichever way you want to. It’s
a time to make changes in the things that block our pleasure and
progress in life, learn how to connect and communicate on all
levels. This would be the best relationship training going.
Being single, says psychotherapist Gill Coleby, is highly underrated.
“I can see the benefits in everyone having a period of time
in their life when they choose to be single, rather than going
from one relationship to the next. There are still so many men
and women who fear being alone and seek relationships as a refuge
from feeling lonely, but it’s the wrong motivation and is
not the answer. All human beings will experience feeling lonely
at some point in our lives – its part of being human. We
shouldn’t avoid it, but rather face it head on and realise
it is just one among many feelings that will come and go during
our lifetime. Many people are lonelier in a relationship than
they ever are being single. With a positive attitude, single can
mean being free to do what you want, when you want.
You can take risks and do different things than you ever would
in a relationship.”
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